The Essentials Of Stress
Management:
How To Reduce, Prevent, And Cope With Stress
(Excerpted with permission from
“Stress Management: How to Reduce,
Prevent, and Cope with Stress.”
Visit http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm
to see the full article with links
to related articles.
CHelpguide.org. All rights reserved.)
It
may seem that there’s nothing you can do about your stress level. The bills
aren’t going to stop coming, there will never be more hours in the day for all
your errands, and your career or family responsibilities will always be
demanding. But you have a lot more control than you might think. In fact, the
simple realization that you’re in control of your life is the foundation of
stress management.
Managing
stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of your thoughts, your
emotions, your schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with problems.
The ultimate goal is a balanced life, with time for work, relationships,
relaxation, and fun – plus the resilience to hold up under pressure and meet
challenges head on.
Identify the sources of stress in your life
Stress
management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This
isn’t as easy as it sounds. Your true sources of stress aren’t always obvious,
and it’s all too easy to overlook your own stress-inducing thoughts, feelings,
and behaviors. Sure, you may know that you’re constantly worried about work
deadlines. But maybe it’s your procrastination, rather than the actual job
demands, that leads to deadline stress.
To
identify your true sources of stress, look closely at your habits, attitude,
and excuses:
▪
Do you
explain away stress as temporary (“I just have a million things going on right
now”) even though you can’t remember the last time you took a breather?
▪
Do you
define stress as an integral part of your work or home life (“Things are always
crazy around here”) or as a part of your personality (“I have a lot of nervous
energy, that’s all”).
▪
Do you
blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely
normal and unexceptional?
Until
you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it,
your stress level will remain outside your control.
Start a stress journal
A stress journal can help you identify the regular stressors in
your life and the way you deal with them. Each time you feel stressed, keep
track of it in your journal. As you keep a daily log, you will begin to see
patterns and common themes. Write down:
▪
What caused your stress (make a guess if you’re unsure).
▪
How you felt, both physically and emotionally.
▪
How you acted in response.
▪
What you did to make yourself feel better.
Look at how you currently cope with stress
Think
about the ways you currently manage and cope with stress in your life. Your
stress journal can help you identify them. Are your coping strategies healthy
or unhealthy, helpful or unproductive? Unfortunately, many people cope with
stress in ways that compound the problem.
Unhealthy ways of coping with stress
These
coping strategies may temporarily reduce stress, but they cause more damage in
the long run:
▪
Smoking
▪
Drinking
too much
▪
Overeating
or undereating
▪
Zoning
out for hours in front of the TV or computer
▪
Withdrawing from friends, family,
and activities
▪
Using
pills or drugs to relax
▪
Sleeping
too much
▪
Procrastinating
▪
Filling
up every minute of the day to avoid facing problems
▪
Taking out your stress on others
(lashing out, angry outbursts, physical violence
Learning healthier ways to manage stress
If
your methods of coping with stress aren’t contributing to your greater
emotional and physical health, it’s time to find healthier ones. There are many
healthy ways to manage and cope with stress, but they all require change. You
can either change the situation or change your reaction. When deciding which
option to choose, it’s helpful to think of the four As: avoid, alter, adapt, or
accept.
Since
everyone has a unique response to stress, there is no “one size fits all”
solution to managing it. No single method works for everyone or in every
situation, so experiment with different techniques and strategies. Focus on
what makes you feel calm and in control.
Dealing with Stressful Situations: The Four A’s
Change
the situation:
▪
Avoid
the stressor.
▪
Alter
the stressor.
|
Change
your reaction:
▪
Adapt
to the stressor.
▪
Accept
the stressor.
|
Stress management strategy #1: Avoid unnecessary stress
Not
all stress can be avoided, and it’s not healthy to avoid a situation that needs
to be addressed. You may be surprised, however, by the number of stressors in
your life that you can eliminate.
▪
Learn
how to say “no” – Know
your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life,
refuse to accept added responsibilities when you’re close to reaching them.
Taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress
▪
Avoid
people who stress you out – If someone consistently causes stress in your life and you can’t turn
the relationship around, limit the amount of time you spend with that person or
end the relationship entirely.
▪
Take
control of your environment – If the evening news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. If traffic’s
got you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the market is
an unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online.
▪
Avoid
hot-button topics –
If you get upset over religion or politics, cross them off your conversation
list. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop
bringing it up or excuse yourself when it’s the topic of discussion.
▪
Pare
down your to-do list –
Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you’ve got too
much on your plate, distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts.” Drop
tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them
entirely
Stress management strategy #2: Alter the situation
If
you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Figure out what you can
do to change things so the problem doesn’t present itself in the future. Often,
this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.
▪
Express
your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is bothering you, communicate
your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you don’t voice your feelings,
resentment will build and the situation will likely remain the same.
▪
Be
willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same.
If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you’ll have a good chance of
finding a happy middle ground.
▪
Be
more assertive. Don’t take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on, doing your
best to anticipate and prevent them. If you’ve got an exam to study for and
your chatty roommate just got home, say up front that you only have five
minutes to talk.
▪
Manage
your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re stretched too thin
and running behind, it’s hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan ahead
and make sure you don’t overextend yourself, you can alter the amount of stress
you’re under.
Stress management strategy #3: Adapt to the stressor
If
you can’t change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful
situations and regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and
attitude.
▪
Reframe
problems. Try to
view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming
about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen
to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time.
▪
Look
at the big picture. Take
perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be
in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting
upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.
▪
Adjust
your standards. Perfectionism
is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by
demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and
learn to be okay with “good enough.”
▪
Focus
on the positive. When
stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you
appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This
simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective.
Adjusting Your Attitude
How you think can have a profound affect on your emotional and
physical well-being. Each time you think a negative thought about yourself,
your body reacts as if it were in the throes of a tension-filled situation. If
you see good things about yourself, you are more likely to feel good; the
reverse is also true. Eliminate words such as "always,"
"never," "should," and "must." These are telltale
marks of self-defeating thoughts.
Stress management strategy #4: Accept the things you can’t
change
Some
sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such
as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In
such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are.
Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing
against a situation you can’t change.
▪
Don’t
try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control— particularly
the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the
things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
▪
Look
for the upside. As
the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” When facing major
challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your
own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and
learn from your mistakes.
▪
Share
your feelings. Talk
to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what
you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do
to alter the stressful situation.
▪
Learn
to forgive. Accept
the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let
go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving
on.
Stress management strategy #5: Make time for fun and relaxation
Beyond
a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your
life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation,
you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors when they inevitably
come.
Healthy ways to relax and recharge
▪
Go for
a walk.
▪
Spend
time in nature.
▪
Call a
good friend.
▪
Sweat
out tension with a good workout.
▪
Write
in your journal.
▪
Take a
long bath.
▪
Savor
a warm cup of tea.
▪
Play
with a pet
▪
Work
in your garden.
▪
Get a
massage.
▪
Curl
up with a good book
▪
Listen
to music.
▪
Watch
a comedy
Don’t
get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care
of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.
▪
Set
aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other
obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all
responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
▪
Connect
with others. Spend
time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system will
buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
▪
Do
something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether
it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
▪
Keep
your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your
body fight stress in a number of ways.
Stress management strategy #6: Adopt a healthy lifestyle
You
can increase your resistance to stress by strengthening your physical
health.
▪
Exercise
regularly. Physical
activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress.
Make time for at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times per week. Nothing
beats aerobic exercise for releasing pent-up stress and tension.
▪
Eat
a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of
what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and
your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.
▪
Reduce
caffeine and sugar. The temporary "highs" caffeine and sugar provide often end in with a
crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks,
chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed and you’ll
sleep better.
▪
Avoid
alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy
escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the
issue at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.
▪
Get
enough sleep. Adequate
sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your
stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.