How to Deal With Grief
(This article is adapted from SAMHSA -- the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services
Administration.)
What
is grief?
Grief
is the normal response of sorrow, emotion, and confusion that comes from losing
someone or something important to you. It is a natural part of life. Grief is a
typical reaction to death, divorce, job loss, a move away from friends and
family, or loss of good health due to illness.
How
does grief feel?
Just
after a death or loss, you may feel empty and numb, as if you are in shock. You
may notice physical changes such as trembling, nausea, trouble breathing,
muscle weakness, dry mouth, or trouble sleeping and eating.
You
may become angry - at a situation, a particular person, or just angry in
general. Almost everyone in grief also experiences guilt. Guilt is often
expressed as "I could have, I should have, and I wish I would have"
statements.
People
in grief may have strange dreams or nightmares, be absent-minded, withdraw
socially, or lack the desire to return to work. While these feelings and
behaviors are normal during grief, they will pass.
How
long does grief last?
Grief
lasts as long as it takes you to accept and learn to live with your loss. For
some people, grief lasts a few months. For others, grieving may take years.
The
length of time spent grieving is different for each person. There are many
reasons for the differences, including personality, health, coping style,
culture, family background, and life experiences. The time spent grieving also
depends on your relationship with the person lost and how prepared you were for
the loss.
How
will I know when I'm done grieving?
Every
person who experiences a death or other loss must complete a four-step grieving
process:
(1)
Accept the loss;
(2) Work
through and feel the physical and emotional pain of grief;
(3)
Adjust to living in a world without the person or item lost; and
(4) Move
on with life.
The
grieving process is over only when a person completes the four steps.
How
does grief differ from depression?
Depression
is more than a feeling of grief after losing someone or something you love.
Clinical depression is a whole body disorder. It can take over the way you
think and feel. Symptoms of depression include:
·
A sad, anxious, or "empty"
mood that won't go away;
·
Loss of interest in what you used to
enjoy;
·
Low energy, fatigue, feeling
"slowed down;"
·
Changes in sleep patterns;
·
Loss of appetite, weight loss, or
weight gain;
·
Trouble concentrating, remembering,
or making decisions;
·
Feeling hopeless or gloomy;
·
Feeling guilty, worthless, or
helpless;
·
Thoughts of death or suicide or a
suicide attempt; and
·
Recurring aches and pains that don't
respond to treatment.
.
If
you recently experienced a death or other loss, these feelings may be part of a
normal grief reaction. But if these feelings persist with no lifting mood, ask
for help.
Where
can I find help?
Psychotherapy
is an excellent source of help if you are experiencing grief. If you live in Santa Cruz and vicinity,
you are welcome to call:
·
Alan
Strachan, Ph.D. at (831) 685-3100.
In
addition, the following list of organizations and web sites provides
information and support for coping with grief:
The
Compassionate Friends
(national
office)
P.O. Box 3696
Oak
Brook, IL 60522
Toll
Free 877-9690010
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx
A
national, self-help support organization for those grieving the loss of a child
or sibling.
Fernside
Bethesda
Professional Building
4360
Cooper Road, Suite 101
Cincinnati,
OH 45242
513-745-0111
(M - F 9:30 am - 4:30 pm EST)
Grief
information, resources, and support for grieving children and their families.
RENEW:
Center for Personal Recovery
P.O.
Box 125
Berea, KY 40403
859-986-7878
A
grief counseling center for individuals and families that are experiencing
loss, with a specialty in grief recovery counseling for traumatic deaths.
Online
Resources
GriefNet
GriefNet
is a professionally directed, on-line grief support community. It has over 50
monitored support groups covering the loss of a parent, of a child, of a
sibling, of a friend, of a spouse, of a pet, loss due to military service, and
other unique losses.
Growth
House, Inc.
A
source of quality information and resources on death and dying issues,
Transformations
http://www.transformations.com/
A web site
about self-help, support, and recovery issues.